I need to know

Sometimes I wonder what I'm hoping for,
Feels like I've lost my sense of direction.
Knowing that we're just sitting on the see-saw,
up and down up and down,
not knowing when one is going to stop.
Who says it's going to be an easy ride?
Although time is not on my side,
but I would strive for what's best for all.

I feel that I'm not getting the support and encouragement,
I dont know what I'm good at anymore.
Help me find my way through,
although it's just a little tiny one.

I feel blocked.
Like I can't breathe.
Since that morning, I've been hoping.
But each day I feel like I'm getting weaker and weaker.
My appetite has decrease.
Body getting weaker and sometimes it shakes.

Just don't push me away.
Talk to me.
I don't even know what's going on nor what your thinking.
So please, if you wanna be happy..
just talk it out so that we both know.
For the best of us.

How much?

How much do I want to do things behind your back?
How much do I want to see you get hurt?
How much do I want to lie?
HOW much?

If only you knew how were things between.
If only you knew that I never meant to hurt you.
If only you knew I only did this because I know your temper and jealousy could kill us both.
If only you knew I never once gave up on you, but to move on just because hurting both you and I are just.. so... PAINFUL!

Last Night

I pray to God to keep you forever
Sometimes I get the feeling that we were meant for each other
But hate and envy will kill us all
How could we go on if we are still stuck here
I did not plan to watch the person I love or care about get hurt because of all my downfalls and mistakes
Listen here, life isnt just about me.
When I'm under pressure, I run away.
And you would think for us both, its over
Or maybe that's just me
Just like the days and nights where I would just disappear
And get u crazed up. Like a lost man.

Sometimes I couldnt reach to you because of the obstacles that I'm going thru
But somehow I feel your presence is always by my side
Countless times you would try to get closer to my heart and comfort me
And I thank you for giving me that little hope of love to hold on
I used to remember lying beside you, counting the infinite stars in the sky...
Especially after tears has fallen and rolled down my cheeks.

You used to tell me to stop crying because I'll look ugly when I cry
But I know, when I cry, you too cry inside.
Your being strong for me, to show me the courage.
I don't know where else can I find a guy like you.
Trust me.

Obviously

God Given

God gave us life,
He gave us everything we could possibly have.
But why can't someone with both legs and arms do something?
But ask and beg, sometimes command??
Are we that spoiled that we're born with a Silver spoon???

And yet, i get hit back on my face.
"WHY DID GOD GAVE ME TO YOU"
should i take this statement into consider?
should i tell you that everything has a purpose?
Don't come telling me this when I'm right infront of you.
You wanna put that statement into my mind, please do it in your own space.
Not when Im around.

Because it hurts.
It hurts knowing that your complaining that I'm a gum placed into your hands,
and cant be scraped off.
To you, I seem to be unappreciative to the works you've done for me.
But have you actually took the time to look back and say:
"WOW, SHE REALLY SPEND SO MUCH DOING THIS FOR ME"
"WOW, SHE REALLY SACRIFICE FOR ME"
"WOW, SHE REALLY CARED"
"WOW, SHE GAVE THE MOST FOR ME AND TOOK THE LEAST"
"WOW, JUST BECAUSE OF ME, SHE DID IT"

have you???
Sometimes i just wanna shout back at you when you say those kinds of things.
Everytime i just shut up.... shut my mouth from saying anything that hurts you... and keeps it inside.
But u dont know how dangerous it could be when i burst.
You deserve to know, you felt it before.
Please dont make the same mistakes.
I dont wanna do the same old shit again.

Just keep moving forward~

this is what i have to say

How come I feel like my heart longs for you?
How come I feel like Im giving in too much?
How come I feel each and everyday, this love grows stronger bit by bit.

How come?
I wonder...

But it hurts me when im just the shadow,
appears when your in danger...
Feeling like the person who wants something from afar,
but couldnt get it...
Would watching you from afar be enough?
Even if I reach my hands out to you,
would you stretch out your arms and hold me?
would you take a glance back at me?

(to be continued...)

No Title- No Way

I couldn't find the words to describe this love anymore.
It seems like its all a night's dream
Where every wonderful and horrible things happen,
even nonsensical events happen in this dream/nightmare.

I wish that you, the one beside me, would be there for me always.
In terms of helping me out, being there for me, sharing and communicating together as one.
Being loyal and faithful, truthful to your words and not breaking any promises.
But things between us don't seem to be like that anymore.
I could only remember the time we started dating, our first date.
14th February 2009

Do you even remember anything now?
Things seem to be clearer to me now,
I understand the way your treating me.

What did i do wrong to deserve this kind of love from you?
All I do is just blame myself for not being perfect for you,
Perfect for your eyes, perfect for your heart, perfect for your mind.
That's why you have the nerves to go for others.

Please don't drag me on this scheme of yours if it's untrue.
Because I dont want you to hurt me no more.
I want to know the truth coming out from your mouth.
If I have to leave loving you, I'll leave because I know that I can't satisfy you.
But if you want me, please then... I'M ASKING YOU,
Just be faithful to me.

Every night I pray hard for us to last a happy life together,
Each time I ask for God's blessing and protection to be upon us.
And that my family would accept who we are, as it is.

I've been giving you full heartedly,
My everything; which I don't think you fully understand what I meant by Everything.
It's too personal that I'm not gonna type it in here.
But I hope that things will be the same like you said that day.